Jumping on the Bandwagon; Get Your Petrinio Jokes

I’ve been sitting fairly quiet on this but considering the drubbing that Ohio State took over malicious NCAA violating tattoo abuse but at some point you just have to speak up. The Bobby Petrino story just keeps getting better and better. Long-time readers of this blog will remember my defense of Petrino as an outstanding man of character. All you need to do is ask Louisville fans and they will be quick to tell you how they feel about Petrino. And if the SEC wasn’t providing enough fodder, there are the Auburn players currently on trial for armed robbery.

But for now, let’s just stick to a solid round of “I Told You So” and score a laugh or two at the former Arkansas, Atlanta Falcons, 10 year contract breaking Louisville, wannabe Auburn interviewing coach.

We start out with the latest Deadspin report that along with an affair with his favorite motorcycle riding employee, Hugh…I mean Bobby Petrino also exchanged 200 or so text messages with former “Motorcycle Mania” bikini model and former GOP Young Republican starlet Alison Melder. (Wait, where did her picture go?!)

Petrino Alison Melder

So far, Deadspin commenter RMJ=H leads the competition with "I propose we dub these photos 'The Little Rock Seven.'"

But the fun doesn’t stop there folks. Who can pass on the true cause of the motorcycle accident faithfully rendered in Taiwanese.(NSFW) (HT to Lost Lettermen)

Or maybe the newest scooter/motorcycle accessory to hit the streets of Fayetville (Via Twitter @cbahn):

Petrino Motorcycle Blow Up Doll

Then of course are the just downright fears that there are more revealing texts to come. This from Arkansas Sports Reporter Robbie Neiswang’s twitter feed (Neiswang is going through the Petrino phone records).

Petrino Text Messages

I’m sorry folks, even thinking about it makes me shudder.

Finally, although I’m never one to spread rumors I’ll make an exception in this case. As the list of Petrno rumors grows longer and longer, my favorite has been the speculation as to how Petrino got so banged up in the motorcycle crash but his passenger, Jessica Dorrell, walked away unscathed. One theory is that Dorrell’s fiance forced Petrino off the road and proceeded to beat the crap out of him (see rumor No. 17 here).

So I leave it to you fans. Give us your best Bobby Petrino joke, thoughts or latest rumor on this upstanding leader of young men.


  1. Tony the "Quacking Duck" says

    Best “Petrinio” joke ………. Gotta be: GONZOHOG!

    Oh, higher than thou Gonzo ….. why do you hide your face from us and read this blog in the dark? Please come out of the darkness and defend Porky with as much tenasity as you used to persecute the Buckeyes. Here piggy …. piggy …. piggy. – Here piggy … piggy … piggy.

    ……. All of this coming from a non-buckeye.

  2. Jeff Long says

    Seriously? Ohio State fans are just happy to be out of the spotlight for a little while. Ca’t wait for your next tatoogate, or when Meyer gets pissed and hits someone after an interception!

  3. gulfportcarl says

    It’s ok as long as the Pigs or SEC punks can rag on OSU, but can’t take it when it hits home.
    I agree Tony where is Gonzo the mighty Pig? Jeff get a life and look in your own back yard before looking else where, because you will find enough shit to wallo in at home. No need to look ele where
    Every one knows i’m not sold on Meyer, but he’s the man so I have to support him for the teams sake, and take a wait and see attitude.

  4. says

    You guys honestly didn’t think I was going to run from this did you? I’m also amazed you would even begin to think I would make an excuse for Bobby Petrino after what happened.

    It is what it is. No getting around that. Bobby screwed up bigtime. Still hard to believe. Just didn’t seem like his style.
    Say what you want about his character and what he’s been accused of in the past, but Petrino always presented himself as an all business type person and coach.

    Regardless of his personal shortcomings, he’s still one hell of a football coach. Probably winds up in the NFL as an OC or a QB coach in the near future. Could be a while before anyone gives him a call for a major div. 1 college program though. Looks too risky.

    As for my beloved Razorbacks, it’s not nearly as bleak as some may try and make it sound.
    I remember there were some yo yos on this very board last year make some remarks about Arkansas football going back to mediocre status or just being a “flash in the pan” when Ryan Mallet left.
    No one knew who Tyler Wilson was except me. How did that work out?

    Interestingly enough, Arkansas now has two legit Hiesman candidates in the same backfield with the return of Knile Davis and with the addition of ex-Ohio state assistant defensive coaches taking over the reigns as the DC and LB coach, it seems Arkansas is still a mojor player in the NC picture. Imagine that.

    This will be the best Arkansas team you will see to date. Mark that down that GonzoHog said it,… a far cry from what Ohio State witnessed post Tressell last season. By the way, how did that work out for ‘ya? (lol)

    • Tony the "Quacking Duck" says

      @Gonzo – Personal shortcomings? How about lack of character and no moral compass. How about lying to the AD and using college funds to hire his mistress (sounds abit like theft).

      “Just didn’t seem like his style” – thats funny – I told you that he was lacking in the character department a few months ago. – How did that work out?

      • says

        There is absolutely nothing hard to believe about the Petrino fallout other than the fact that he didn’t get himself into some sort of mess earlier.

        You will recall my comments about asking Louisville fans how they felt about Petrino.

        Nobody (outside of Arkansas) is shocked to find out that Petrino could potentially have a long history of misdoings.

        The reason Ohio State’s tattoo misdeeds got such a big response was because it was so out of character for both Jim Tressel and the university. From the SEC however, just another day.

        • gulfportcarl says

          Right on Jim, Tony, Petrino has been a bum no matter where he coached.
          Does anyone know if this week ends spring game is going to be televised on espn or Big10 network?

          • says

            Really Carl?…a bum? (lol!) Seriously though, I understand your need to slam Petrino in his personal life after the onslaught of sarcasm/integrity bashing of the man you Ohians believed to be the 2nd coming of Jesus.

            I mean after all, the magnificent Coach tressell could do no wrong, then “GASP”…he actually lied to the NCAA? Oh the shame of it all.

            I really do feel sorry for people so high upon the realm of integrity and class, but still so very close to the depths of insanity.
            I’ll go along with the charade though, if it’ll make the “class” of the magnificent Big 10 feel better about themselves and their own incredible coaching issues.

            Here ‘ya go. Enjoy it guys.


      • says

        There was no using of the college funds genius. As far as anyone knows, it was his own money.
        I mean really, you don’t think Petrino can afford $20,000 on his 3.6 mil. salary?

        • Tony the "Quacking Duck" says

          GonzoHog – Are you in complete denial??

          Petrino hired Dorrell on March 28th as the the football program’s student-athlete development coordinator. All policy/affirmitive action rules were broken to “fast-track” her employment at the request of Petrino. She got the job over 158 other applicants and it pays nearly $56,000 a year. She has since been placed on leave with pay. I may not be a “genius” ….. but, there is clearly use of college funds. – Lets take a look at this a little further. Dorrell now has options – She can sue the school/state for a multiple of reasons.

          This is “professional issue”: Lying to employer, relationship with subordinate, etc.

          The “personal issues”: cheating on his wife and being attracted to “bikini models” that look manly.

          • says

            You guys just had to call him back.

            I love the innocent until proven guilty outlook. Come to think of it, Tressel never got caught selling high grade Turkish hashish before either…exactly.

            Petrino however, there were no surprises.

          • says

            You can stop worrying yourself silly over Dorrell now Tony. She got paid a wopping $14,000 to resign on Tuesday. It was a mutual agreement by both parties.
            Make no mistake, the UofA lawyers prepared the neccesary paperwork for Mrs. Dorrell to sign to ensure there would be no further court proceedings.

          • says

            Yeah, that really hurt hurt their pocketbook huh? What will we ever do now? I sure hope we don’t have to cancel the football program.

          • says

            I mean really Tony. The SEC spends that much on a high school recruit on a Saturday night. Those VIP rooms don’t come cheap you know. Then you’ve got the payments to their fathers, those cute “hostesses” to show them a good time, the list goes on.

            $14,000 is a drop in the bucket in the world of SEC violations.

          • says

            Do you need links to the Auburn, Bama, LSU and Tennessee boards or can you navigate that one on your own?

            SEC violations… seriously? It’s amazing how the supposed cheating of a few has somehow spewed over to an entire conference of 12 (now 14) programs. Talk about jealousy.
            Then again, there absolutely has to be some kind of excuse for a program who can’t win the big one anymore.

            It just amazes me this garbage is still brought up by supporters of a program just recently caught doing their own bit of cheating behind the sceens.

            I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again,… the freakin arrogance is off the charts!!!
            And those words aren’t just coming from an fan inside the SEC. I’ve heard the exact same thing from the chat boards over at OU, Kansas State and Oklahoma State.
            You guys just can’t get over yourself can you?

  5. says

    Oh, by the way guys, thanks for all the compliments. I had almost forgotten just how much you guys really admired me. I’ll have to come back and visit more often, especially during football season. Thanks again.

      • says

        Or was he 55 in a 25? Need to work on my material.

        And of course, the obligatory joy stick joke…

        She had trouble finding the joy stick.

        It was so small it slipped between her fingers

        Couldn’t get her hands around the joystick in time