Bauserman Tattoo Fund Open for Donations

For thirty minutes or so during the Ohio State/Nebraska game, I felt like I was watching The Ohio State Buckeyes. For the first time this season, this was the team we get excited about. The offense was creating plays and finding their way to the end zone. The defense was giving the Cornhusker offense nightmares and by the end of the half, we were up 27-6.

Then, all of a sudden, it happened. Quarterback Braxton Miller was down on the field and in obvious pain. As he slowly got up and was carried to the sideline, a collective hush fell over Buckeye nation. Not since Beanie Wells went down have we had the wind knocked out of us like that. Just as the kid was getting it together and the offensive coaching staff was letting him play his game, Braxton Miller was out of the game.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t just the fans who got the wind knocked out of them. Once again, Joe Bauserman was back in the game throwing long balls deep into row 23. The defense felt the blow and with the knowledge that there was no way they would get anything resembling a rest, they too started to fall apart.

On the sidelines, things only got worse. Coach Fickell looked like he’d been hit by a bus. He failed to call time outs to slow momentum and instead of stopping the game to slow momentum, he left the defense out their on their own to dangle. Offensive play calling had reverted back to the Michigan State game and Nebraska reacted appropriately blitzing and pressuring on every play.

After watching Bauserman throw his 10th or so incomplete pass, one has to wonder just how  badly Kenny Guiton and Tayler Grahm have been stinking it up in practice. Bauserman has had his chance. Time to move him to spiritual leader and let anybody else give it a try. Look to the girls softball team if you have to. Anything is better than this.

Bauseman Tattoo Fund
In order to do my part to help the Buckeyes, I’m collecting donations for the newly established, Joe Bauserman tattoo fund. All money raised will go to my attempts to buy Bauserman a nice new shiny tattoo. I’m talking 100 percent, west side Fine Line Ink tattoos here folks. If Fine Line is no longer open, then we’ll work to reopen it complete with a computer and desk for the local NCAA compliance office.

Heck, I’ll even go far enough as to hire Mr. Bauserman as my personal tattoo tester. Be assured that for every 8 hours worked, Mr. Bauserman will received an extra 45 minutes paid time aadded to his time card. You have my promise that weekly over pay reports will be directly submitted to both the NCAA and The Ohio State athletic office. If the coaches won’t pull him, maybe we can.

Donate to the Bauserman Tattoo Fund by clicking the button below.


  1. says

    Let’s not blame Bauserman. In the words of Dennis Green, he is who we though he was. He’s not going to magically become a good QB, and he is not putting himself in the game. We have known what kind of QB he is since at least last year in relief of Pryor. All the blame goes squarely on Fickell and Bolman. Why the hell are they calling rollouts, deep passes, and slow developing pass plays with Bauserman in the game? They did great calling plays for Miller, but I don’t think anyone told them Miller got hurt, because they just kept calling plays designed for Miller. Hopefully, they give Guyton or Graham a chance. If not, at least just run the wildcat instead of putting Bauserman in the game.

    Let’s also not forget that Bauserman did not give up 28 points in the 2nd half. In addition to calling a timeout to slow the game down when our defense was on their heals, how about the coaches try rotating some players on the d-line to keep them from getting gassed. Hankins was in the entire game. Guy that size needs to be rotated. Also, maybe someone can tell Sabino what his assignment is, so he is not overrunning his assignment and jogging around aimlessly.

  2. greg vreen says

    I think we can do better than that. What football player doesn’t need a new car, a prostitute and some cocaine?

  3. Ayad says

    I couldn’t agree with you more; what is it about Bausermann’s incapacities the coaches do not see and understand. Where is the mystery; he comes to us from baseball and plays and thinks just like one; lead-footed, short, stocky and stationary. He is built to bat and hit with minor demand for running. You are absolutely right: how bad could Guiton and graham be; there is no way they could be that bad and if they are they really have no business being on the OSU team or anywhere near division one football. Another baffling thing about the game is the amount of calls that asked the quarterback to run; after so much running and getting hit even Jesus would have come down.

  4. The People's Buckeye says

    He’s had five years. Five years to learn. There is no excuse. He doesn’t try at all. He is just incapable of his role and always has been. I can’t believe this is even an argument between Alan and I because it’s so glaringly clear that Joe really doesn’t give a damn about his teammates the way he makes decisions on the field. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, he’s just as big of a detriment to this team’s psyche as that of Boom Herron and DeVier Posey. He just needs to sit on the bench for the rest of the season and hold a clipboard. He’s had plenty of chances now and waiting for him to turn it around is futile.

  5. William Bumble says

    OSU can turn all this around very quickly. Keep Bausermann as quarterback, but recruit a new receiver with the name “Out of Bounds”. He will hit the target everytime.

  6. gulfportcarl says

    Dump Bauserman and let bring the other two QB’s we have in the wings, Kenny Guiton and Justin Siems, and see what they can do. If Miller can not go put one of the other rookies a shot, they sure can do better that Bauserman.

    • msbuck says

      right you are!! we were pounding the “huskers” with Miller’s legs and some creative play calling—and the “D” was rested and kickin butt—forget the Miller turnover that led to a husker score—that was a gift!—we still win the game if Miller plays!—but when Miller left injured!—“game over”—bauserman should have worn a husker uniform—I think he saw the color “red” in the stands and threw to them!—he is not even capable of sitting the freakin bench!! The huskers knew it—but OSU coaches didn’t—bauser-boy is 3 & out every time—he is the worst I’ve ever seen!! The Bucks “D” was on the field the whole time—again & again—serious 4th quarter fatigue—-rotation not enough to match the pumped up husker offense—you can’t mentally & physically hold up when you are that tired and deflated—knowing “bauser” will have you on the field again in a few minutes—We beat the “huskers” if Miller does not get hurt!!! I think we beat MSU & Miami if Miller is allowed to play “his” game with some creative offense—much to look forward in the future—but someone please give the “bauser-man” a “ticket” to watch the games—as far away from the field as possible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  7. says

    My tattoo fund is really more a statement on our coaches than Bauserman. Get him a nice fresh tattoo and the coaches won’t be able to put him back in. I agree with ausmos. Bauserman is who we’ve always known him to be. The problem is that the coaches can’t seem to develop the confidence in the other two backups and they can’t seem to put together a play scheme that works for Bauserman.

    If it’s a problem with the backups, why? I can’t believe that they don’t have the talent. Why hasn’t that talent been developed into quality backup roles? Hmm…let me guess, could it be the quarterback coach?

    And then when we finally do get to see Bollman actually utilizing Miller’s talents, he fails to adjust when Miller goes out. When Miller got knocked out of the game (and let’s face it folks, it was bound to happen sooner or later), the entire coaching staff went into panic mode. Coach Fickell looked like he’d been hit by a bus. Once again, he couldn’t even figure out how to call a time out if for no other reason than to give his defense a much needed rest.

    I like Coach Fickell but he is in over his head. Add in the fact that the NCAA pulled the rug out from under him yet again on Friday afternoon. He just isn’t ready. Bring in an experienced coach, put Fickell back at defense together with Vrable, and let’s get this team back in order.

    • msbuck says

      AMEN—Fick is a true Buckeye, but out of his element—and so is the coaching staff—as I said before—a 3rd grade student of the game knows “bauser” is a bust—clickboard holder at best—why Miller and a talented young back-up were not developed from the start is a mystery—I think a “drug screen” is due for the coaching staff—I think a crack pipe is hidden somewhere—name me a top coach: Meyer—Miles—Stoops—Spurrier—or any other good coach (Boise/Bama)—do you think Miller and a talented back-up would be ready for the season—bet the farm on that!! “bauser” would have been strictly clerical or in charge of laundry with those good coaches—we need a coach who has evolved—keep Fick for “D”—at least he bleeds “Buckeye”!!!!!!!!!!

    • gulfportcarl says

      I’ll buy him a tattoo if it gets him off the field. I have nothing against the kid except he can’t play at this level. Has anyone heard the status of Miller leg, I know we have some insiders that can find out?

    • Tony the "Quacking Duck" says

      I heard …… RichRod was an available coach.
      Can’t do much worse than Fickell.

  8. Ayad says

    Didn’t we see Guiton play couple of times in the last two years and didn’t we see him play well in those times. Yes he only came in for few plays but I do remember him as a lean, tall and quick footed quarterback who threw accurate spirals and was very capable of darting sideways and taking it down field. It did look like he had a confidence problem but who wouldn’t as a freshman or a sophomore. But now that two years have passed and he is still on the team shouldn’t we expect that that problem would have been well addressed if not totally solved. Not to beat a dead horse but there is no way that given what I have already seen from him that he could be in any way or shape worse than Bauserman. Bizarre.

    • The People's Buckeye says

      I was able to scout Guiton during the practice leading up to Wisconsin last year and seen him inserted into game situations over the past few years, he definitely has an ability to pass and runs the read option better than any of our quarterbacks.

      • msbuck says

        Guiton should have been in the mix with Miller from the start–especially as a back-up—what is this “we owe Bauser a chance” cause he’s been here 5 years—bauser is a “deer” in the headlights—he can’t wait to get off the field—he knows he does not belong and so does the O-line—coaches have to play the best talent—develop them and get them experience—I can live with a loss—but I can’t live with coaches who put a gun to the head of hard playing Buckeyes—and allow a known “loser” to wear the uniform and call snaps—-clean house—develop players for next year—send Bauser back to minor league baseball—and get back to “Buckeye” football!!!!!!!!

  9. says

    Rumours going around Twitter (at least as reported by @kgdispatch and RT by @BuckeyeNotes – Ken Gordon) is that the depth chart for Illinois will list Miller as starter with Bauserman at backup.

    Talk about a good news/bad news situation. Hopefully Miller will be back in action. You could see he wanted it Sat. but to think that they would even consider putting Bauserman back in absurd. Just imagine for a minute what the fans will do as Bauserman walks out on the field at home. They might abuse him and the coaching staff just for allowing him to dress on the sideline.

    Miller’s lack of self preservation leads me to believe that the back up qb position is going to be pretty important this season.

    Only answer…tattoos for Bauserman and lots of them. Post the video of him getting them to YouTube, show me paying for it, scan the receipts made out to my credit card and post it everywhere we can. If we’re lucky, maybe we can get him to hang around and play a few video games while a drug deal goes down in the background.

  10. Dave Smith says

    It was great to see the offense firing the way most of us thought they could.. for awhile. It showed 2 things. 1. That Braxton absolutely has the ability to be the quarterback we thought he could be. and 2. That Bauserman is possibly the worst 5th year quarterback in all of college football. He had receivers running free plenty of times, but he is unable to throw the ball other than either waaay long, or woefully short. It’s crazy that a quarterback at a major college level can’t throw the ball any better than that.
    Having said that…it was what I expected would occur if he needed to go in.
    What I don’t understand was the sudden change of defensive philosophy in the second half.
    What I saw was.. in the first half, the first defender in the backfield made Martinez get rid of the ball, and in the second half, for some reason.. the first defender went after the pitch man every time…giving Martinez a wide open middle of the field. You could see it happen every single time. A defender would be in position to blow it up and he headed straight for the running back and didn’t even look at the qback. It was like they decided at half time to make a change from strategy that was working to a tee.
    If there is anything good to pull from it.. we finally got to see how the team can operate when put in a position to succeed. If anybody had offered me that final score prior to the game, I would have taken it.
    It was , of course, maddening to see the collapse after they had played so well.
    Hopefully Braxton is back next week healthy and especially in a few weeks. MAybe we can salvage something of this season by playing well against Wiscy and improving every week leading up to another beat down of scUM.

  11. Ayad says

    Ok so we have beat up on Bauserman quite a bit; if he comes anywhere close to the game on saturday, the onus will not be on him but on the coaches; the poor guy probably wants nothing more than to take the next flight out of columbus heading to zimbabwe. The question is what should happen next: it seems to me that the coaches should train miller and guiton like they are a parallelogram, working towards building on each others strength and not at cross purpose. They should also build on Hyde’s explosive zeal; more than anyone in that game against Nebraska he was the one who looked the most intent on not being denied. But to make him shine more than one type of run should be designed for him, otherwise predictability will soon make him flat and of course subject to unnecessary harm.

  12. Tony the "Quacking Duck" says

    It was reported today that tOSU paid players lawyer $142,000. Why does this feel like a NCAA violation?? Wouldn’t this be giving these players “special treatment”? …….. or does tOSU provide lawyers for all of their students.

    It must not be a violation ….. or the reports would be all over the news. It just seems a bit odd.

    • The People's Buckeye says

      I’m not going to dig into the bylaws of the NCAA rule book, but athletes do have the right to legal representation financed through the university. Not just at Ohio State, but anywhere. NCAA used to have a rule forbidding this, but it was deemed illegal in the court system. You know, the place of actual laws.

      • says

        It does seem out of place but at the same time, it might show that the university feels they have a case. The way this school has been throwing athletes under the bus, I can’t believe they’d put up the funds if their wasn’t something to it.

        Again, it goes back to the bizarre status of the college athlete. They can make millions for an institution yet when we see that same institution covering their legal fees for a penalty handed down by yet another institution for which they bring in money, we question it.

        If the player is injured and the university pays for the medical bills, is that justified?