I'll leave the caption to you
Four years ago this week, in a moment of laziness I threw up a post that read, “Ohio State vs. Michigan Jokes; Open Thread.” A mysterious contributor known only by the name “Webmaster 3,000″ quickly filled the comments with a string of about 20 Michigan jokes.
Since that time, I’ve collected more Michigan Jokes than I care to count. The joke threads on tBuckeyeblog rank at the top of the Google results and drive traffic to the blog throughout the year.
And since I’m all for a great tradition, it’s time once again for the annual Michigan Joke Contest.
Post your jokes in the comment section below. I’ll accept entries up until the point that I actually decide to judge them which could be Monday or Tuesday after the game.
Any prizes I can round up will be awarded on purely a subjective basis. That said, originality counts and that’s getting tough considering the growing number of jokes. You might want to review the links above before posting.
Best joke gets one of these
UPDATE: We Have Prizes
Prizes are here. Winner gets one of these sweet messenger bags from our friends at Gametimegeeks.com. Be sure to check them out.
Nuff said. Post em below
(And yes, captions to the photo above do count)
Update: We Have a Winner
Tough decision here folks. I’ve got to admit, I like the WWII “Shoot me first” joke but I’m seeing it all over the internet. I also like Tony’s captions (…and you’re the fastest? ….IQ get’s to 16, sell!) but it looks like Nike’s got a lock on the Oregon branding meaning Gametimegeeks.com doesn’t stock Oregon products.
Yep...that's him
But I left the judging to a top secret judging panel who’ve been sequestered for the past three days toiling away at their decision. And while I may not always agree with them, they are professionals. This year’s panel has decided to reward originality with the People’s Buckeye’s lines: “Did he say cheese or freeze” and also just the straight out stats on the Michigan defense. And if you haven’t seen the way Joey dresses for an Ohio State/Michigan game, something tells me he’ll appreciate it more than anyone. A game day photo probably would have been enough to win the contest in and of itself.
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Just a few lying around
What do you call a drug ring in Ann Arbor?
A huddle.
Four Michigan players are in a car, who’s driving?
The police.
A lady in Ann Arbor calls 911.
Hysterically, she says, ‘Someone’s just broken into my house, and I think he’s going to rob me!’
The police officer says, ‘We’re really busy at the moment. Just get the guy’s jersey number and we’ll get back to you.’
What do you get when you put 32 Michigan cheerleaders in one room?
A full set of teeth.
What are the longest three years of a Michigan football player’s life?
His freshman year.
An Ohio State fan and a Michigan fan, fighting side-by-side were captured during World War II and sentenced to die by firing squad. The enemy commander asked the Michigan fan if he had any last requests. The Michigan fan said, “I want to hear Hail to the Victors” one more time. The Ohio State fan was then asked if he had any last requests. “Yes, shoot me first!”
A scrawny man at a bar in Ann Arbor says to the guy sitting next to him, “Hey, you want to hear a really funny Michigan joke?” The guy replies, “Hey buddy. See the bartender? He played at Michigan. See those two huge guys to your left? They played at Michigan. See that group of big guys over at that table? All Michigan football players. Look at me. I’m 6’4, 235 and played at Michigan. Now are you sure you want to tell me your joke?”
The scrawny man says, “Nah. I don’t want to have to explain and repeat it 5 times.”
What do you get if you see a Michigan fan buried up to his neck in sand?
More sand.
What do you call 20 Michigan fans laying on the lawn?
Fertilizer.
How do you keep a Michigan football player out of your yard?
Put up a goalpost.
A Michigan football player was almost killed yesterday in a tragic horse back riding accident. He fell from the horse and was nearly trampled to death. Luckily, the manager of the Wal-Mart came out and unplugged the horse.
Michigan has the 99th ranked scoring defense this year.
That’s it. That’s the joke.
An Ohio State fan and a Michigan fan, fighting side-by-side were captured during World War II and sentenced to die by firing squad. The enemy commander asked the Michigan fan if he had any last requests. The Michigan fan said, “I want to hear Hail to the Victors” one more time. The Ohio State fan was then asked if he had any last requests. “Yes, shoot me first!”
Caption: This just in. Gucci Mane and Lil Wayne are going back to prison.
Caption: Photographer: “Okay, good. On the next one, pretend it’s a typical Saturday night for you in Ann Arbor.”
Caption 1: Dumb and Dumber – Denard Robinson and Devin Gardner being robbed at gun point.
Caption 2: SMELL MY FINGER! SMELL MY FINGER!! SMELL MY FINGERRR!!!
Caption 3: Gardner and Robinson to “Do the Dougie”
Caption 4: Out of 10,000 sperm ….. you were the quickest?
Caption 5: Denard: When your I.Q. gets to 16 ……Sell!!
Wanted to let everyone know, I’ve got the prize. Check out the sweet messenger bag from our friends at http://www.gametimegeeks.com.
Caption: Did he say “cheese” or “freeze”? I’m not sure, but just keep your hands up and smile!
Caption: Strike a pose, boyfriend…
Caption 6: Robinson and Gardner are not allowed to use their hands in the “circle jerk”.
How do you keep a Michigan fan from masturbating?
Paint his dick scarlet and gray; he won’t beat it for 6 years.
7 in a couple days!
Breaking News: A highly touted Detroit High School Reciever who was on the list as one of Michigan’s top recruit was sentenced today on a felony charge. It carried a maximum 4 year prison term. The Judge, a back up tight end under Bo in 1968 who is infamous for his no holds barred approach told the young man “Son, after much consideration, I am sending you to the ‘Big House’. Dick Rod will be provide you with the boost in the ass you need to turn your life around.” The recruit cried out…. “Judge Please! Please tell me you mean Prison!”
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News: A highly touted Detroit High School Reciever who was on the list as one of Michigan’s top recruits was sentenced today on a felony charge. It carried a maximum 4 year prison term. The Judge, a back up tight end under Bo in 1968 who is infamous for his no holds barred approach told the young man “Son, after much consideration, I am sending you to the ‘Big House’. Dick Rod will be provide you with the boost in the ass you need to turn your life around.” The recruit cried out…. “Judge Please! Please tell me you mean Prison!”
Breaking News: A highly touted Detroit High School Reciever who was on the list as one of Michigan’s top recruits was sentenced today on a felony charge. It carried a maximum 4 year prison term. The Judge, a back up tight end under Bo in 1968 who is infamous for his no holds barred approach told the young man “Son, after much consideration, I am sending you to the ‘Big House’. Dick Rod will be provide you with the boost in the ass you need to turn your life around.” The recruit cried out…. “Judge Please! Please tell me you mean Prison!”
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Two Northwest Ohio Boys were out taking a walk when all of the sudden a rottweiler breaks through the fence and starts attacking one of the boys. The second boy scared for his friends life runs over and picks up some of the broken fence and without thinking stabs the dog right in the neck forcing him to let go.
A Toledo sports reporter sees the whole thing and runs up and says “Son that was amazing! I’m gonna put you on the cover of the Blade! Brave Buckeye Fan Beats down attacker to save Buddy!”
“Um Sir?” says the boy ” I’m not a Buckeye fan”
“No Problem Kid! Remarkable Rocket fan Repels Rabid Dog!”
“Sir, I don’t like the Rockets either…”
“Hmm A Falcon Fan, Not many of those, No big deal, Fearless Falcon Fan Fights Ferocious Dog to Free Freind”
“Sir I like the Wolverines”
The Reporter looks up and says “Unruly Miscreant heartlessly kills beloved Family pet”
Just an FYI…
Our winner had to take a 15 yard penalty for signaling the crowd.
I was just showing them my “OH!” face. OH! OH! You know what I’m talking about…
OH!
BONUS: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cdg40shx3e8
Did you hear the campus library for the University of Michigan was totally destroyed by fire? Yes, two books and one of them had not been colored in yet!!!
Q: What do marijuana and the Michigan football team have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls
Q: What did the Michigan grad say to the Ohio State grad?
A: Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?
Q: How do you keep your family safe from wolverines?
A: Move to pasadena
Q. What do you say to a Michigan Wolverine in a three piece suit?
A. Will the defendant please rise.
Q. What do you call a football player in Michigan who has talent?
A. An Ohio product
Q. What’s the difference between the Michigan football team and Frosted Flakes?
A. Frosted Flakes know what to do in a bowl
Q. Why do University of Michigan graduates keep their diplomas on their dashboard?
A. So that they can park in handicaped spaces.