Michigan Jokes? Come and Get ‘Em

Michigan Joke

Post your captions below. (ht to Joey for the photo)

As many of you know, Ohio State fans love their Michigan jokes. Over the past six or so years, we’ve collected quite a few jokes about our favorite team up north. In fact, Michigan jokes probably bring more hits to this blog than any other term searched on Google.

More Michigan Jokes

Michigan condom dispenser

It all started with a simple open thread where I asked people to post their best _ichigan jokes in the comment section. A reader known only as “Webmaster 3000” left a long list of jokes and we were off and running.

By the next year, the blog was doing well and I hosted the first Michigan Joke contest and actually managed to scrape together a couple of prizes.

Now something of an institution, year three brought a photo to the Michigan Joke mix which resulted in a few good captions. We’ve actually had a couple of photos over the years that just naturally lent themselves to good captions.

But the one (and often more) liners aren’t the only shots we’ve taken at the whore…I mean _ichigan. I’ve collected a number of examples demonstrating the lameness of that school up north. My quest started with these Michigan jokers featuring a photo from Wolverine blog where they themselves were making fun of their own fans.

Other examples of the lameness of Michigan include video of the O-H-I-O cheer circling their own stadium or the Michigan band overcompensating for the fact that they just can’t complete with TBDBITL. Then there were the t-shirts that on first appearance look like some sort of Michigan Stadium joke until you realize that no, their fans really are that lame.

Michigan shower jokeThat’s not to say that their fans don’t get in a few Ohio State jokes every now and then. At the time, I lashed out at that t-shirt but given a few years and yeah, the Buckstach is a classic.

And of course, who can forget the fun we had at the expense of Michigan’s loss to Appalachian State. At one point, we even found ourselves laughing at the school that ended what they thought would be a national championship run during week 1.

As Michigan’s losing streak continued, I even found myself playing tour guide through the wasteland that had become Michigan football.

Even though we may enjoy watching a beer drinking Michigan grandma school a bunch of Michigan kids, a good Michigan joke will always hold a special place in our heart.

So with that folks, let us continue in this great tradition. Post your Michigan Jokes in the comments below.

O.K. I’ve got one to start you out: So Arizona hires this new football coach…


  1. Tony says

    Guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender to watch his dog during the Ohio St-Michigan game. Bartender says “no chance” so the guy begins to plead with him.
    “It’s a special dog” he says, “when Ohio St scores he walks on his hind legs and when Michigan scores he walks on his front legs and when Ohio St wins he jumps up and down.”
    “And what about when Michigan wins?” the barender asks.
    Guy replies “I have no idea, he’s only 7 years old”

    • msbuck says

      them mi. farm boys ain’t got no tickets!—them boys ‘er too busy “playin” with the mi. cheerleaders—while them big gals GRAZE before the game! yessir–life on the farm is sweet for those boys!!

  2. The People's Buckeye says

    I heard Michigan football finally has a website this year after learning how to string three Ws together.

  3. says

    You guys might wanna go check out Fox Sports News website. They’re reporting Urban Meyer may have accepted a $40,000,000 – 7 year deal as Ohio St’s new head football coach.

    Several current Florida Gator assistants may come with him and Luke Fickel could remain as assistant head coach the report says.

  4. The People's Buckeye says

    When there is a tornado warning in Ann Arbor, Michigan, all the people are told to meet at Michigan Stadium….

    …. cause there is no chance of a touchdown there.

  5. Not Alan says

    Not and OSU/meatchicken joke but still funny:

    Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean
    cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life -until the boat sank.
    He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other
    people, no supplies…Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.

    After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous
    woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, “Where
    did you come from? How did you get here?”

    “I rowed over from the other side of the island,” she says. “I landed
    here when my cruise ship sank.”

    “Amazing,” he says. “You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up
    with you.”

    “Oh, this?” replies the woman. “I made the rowboat out of raw material
    found on the island. I whittled the oars from gum tree branches; I wove
    the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a
    Eucalyptus tree.”

    But-but, that’s impossible,” stutters Ed. “You had no tools or hardware.
    “How did you manage?”

    “Oh, that was no problem,” replies the woman. “On the South side of the
    island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found
    if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into
    forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make
    the hardware.” Ed is stunned. “Let’s row over to my place,” she says.

    After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As
    Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a
    stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in scarlet and gray.
    While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he
    could only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she
    says casually, “It’s not much, but I call it home Sit down please; would
    you like to have a drink?”

    “No, no thank you,” he says, still dazed. “Can’t take any more coconut

    “It’s not coconut juice,” the woman replies. “I built a still. How about
    a Pina Colada?”

    Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on
    her hand-woven couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories,
    the woman announces, “I’m going to slip into something more comfortable.
    Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in
    the cabinet in the bathroom.”

    No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the
    cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a
    hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel
    mechanism. “WOW! This woman is amazing,” he muses, “what next?”

    When she returns, she greets him wearing ‘nothing but vines’
    strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons
    for him to sit down next to her.

    “Tell me,” she begins suggestively,slithering closer to him,
    “We’ve been out here for a really long time. I know you’ve been lonely.
    There’s something I’m sure you really feel like doing right now,
    something you’ve been longing for all these months.

    You know…” She stares into his eyes.

    He can’t believe what he’s hearing. You mean—“, he swallows
    excitedly, “We can watch Ohio State football from here?”

  6. Not Alan says

    A highly recruited high school football player was visiting schools to try and find the best college for him. His first stop was at LSU. When he got
    there, Coach Miles immediately picked up a golden telephone. After talking several minutes, he said, “Thank you, God,” and hung up.

    This shocked the young man. He asked the coach what was so special about the golden phone.

    … “Well, this phone is a direct line to God. And God tells us whether or not new recruits would be stars at our university”.

    The athlete asked if he could use the phone to ask God what college he should pick;

    “Sure you can, son! But it’s going to cost you $1,000. Calling Heaven ain’t cheap.”

    The young recruit didn’t have that kind of money, so he moved along.

    His next stop was michigan. Upon entering brady hoke’s office, coach hoke (or “choke”, for short) immediately picked up a golden telephone. After talking several minutes, he said, “Thank you, God,” and hung up.

    The boy said, “Hey, I’ve seen those phones before. Can I use yours to call God and ask what college I should pick?” coach hoke said, “Sure, but it’s going to cost you $750. Calling Heaven isn’t cheap.”

    Again, not having that kind of money, the player left.

    His last stop was in Columbus, Ohio. Upon arrival at the office, Coach Meyer picked up a golden telephone, talked to God, and said, “Thanks,” and hung up.

    The boy just had to use that phone, so he said, “Coach, I really need to use that golden telephone so I can call God and ask him which college I should choose.”

    “From Louisiana it was going to cost me $1000. From michigan they wanted $750. So how much will it cost me to call Heaven from here in Columbus?”

    The new coach smiled and said, “Nothing, Son…It’s a local call.”

  7. Tom Mazzuchi says

    What’s the difference between a Michigan woman and a bag of trash?

    The bag of trash gets taken out once a week.