I found this in my in box the other day and…well…let’s just say that the Eggman possesses information I’d rather not discuss. To keep him at bay, he gets to take over this blog at will. I think he wrote this Sat. morning of the Illini game. Don’t say I didn’t warn you:
AW:
Thanks for feeding my morning rant. Consider this an aggrieved and abbreviated segment of Craig’s Eggz — proof in the photo taken 2 minutes ago. What does the picture say? A lot of things count ‘em:
1. The computer display sez it’s 8:47am so I ain’t lying. Kick-off at 3pm today. Time to tailgate in the rain. Woo hoo.
2. Remnants of a Ham & Swiss omelette. Get in my belly, Eggz.
3. The College Football Point Spread Pool infers that it’s football Saturday. Not gambling just good, clean fun.
4. Notice that the Eggman never bets on the Buckeyes (giving 14.5 points) because they normally don’t cover the spread since Tressel took the helm and it might dampen Buckeye mojo — what little they have that is — allowing them to whammy themselves in the 4th quarter as in Big Games. I’m not taking the fall. Blame that cheater (and my brother-in-law’s old college roommate) Ron Zook.
5. Reading Glasses: eyes to go with selective loss of hearing. Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat? I can’t hear you.
6. Lisinopril RX. Thud.
7. Excedrin for Migraines. Thwack!
8. Coffee (in Patriotic Mug lacking proper amount of stars belies the ignorance in wrapping one’s self in the flag).
9. Cigarette which isn’t helping the Blood Pressure. Refer back to #6.
10. Scarlet Lighter (hidden pun) justifying smoking as a team effort.
11. Focus Factor to ward of Alzheimer’s and grow my already massive brain. Someone said to me the other day in passing, “Super T… how do you get around lugging that big head of yours.” I took it as a compliment.
12. Rubber Band to shoot at intruders when they walk into my office while working hard(ly).
13. Monster Calculator that one can operate with elbows when lacking the necessary dexterity. Cell phone soon to become Jitterbug.
14. Highlighter to emphasize my high value spread sheets for betting, errrr my profession which no-one can fully fathom (I like it “that way”).
15. Old-school Stapler for affixing important “Stuff” together.
16. Even more old-school, gold-plated-colored Paper Clips to loosely hold other marginally important “stuff” together — to lose when you most likely need it.
17. Acai Berry pills because they were free, and are supposed to do something good for you, possessing “Anti-Accidents” which I’m prone to get into –kind of a Get Out of Hospital Free card.
18. National City Bank Sticky Notes, again because they’re free. At least I got office supplies out of a $3 billion bailout.
19. VoIP (Voice Over IP) Phone — futuristic Internet phone for free local and long distance calls. Has the quality of cosmonauts ordering pumpernickel from Soyuz via NASA to the French embassy. Looks good, sounds bad. There’s a joke in there somewhere.
20. Johnson’s Baby Powder for a chapped ass from Alan’s incessant emails of disregard (below).
This is what passes as a tax donation for some
Nice article about Kirk Herbstriet (ESPN Boy Franchise) DENIED AFTER burning his historic house down for a tax loophole to build a monument to himself in Upper Arlington — the only gated community in Ohio. True. Look it up. Really. Fire Departments and SWAT in UA, huh? You want domestic violence training? Stop by my place…
Question: #1 cause of DV? Answer: Beyatch burned my toast!
Just another reason why we don’t allow handguns in our domicile… Oh, and when I went to the kitchen to read the Dispatch with my morning cup of coffee today, our Cairn Terrier, Toto was sitting on her wood chip bed eating my slippers, pipe, and smoking jacket.
Herbie — boo hoo. He didn’t get the memo:
“You’re not from Arlington… you’re from Centerville, Ohio! IRS claim denied. It’s rumored that an accelerant was found on the premises — a burning bag of dog doo on your porch started it. Bad joke. You were supposed to stamp it out in your penny loafers and whitey tighties. We’ll try this one again later… at your new mega crib….”
Yours Truly,
Super T
