Craig’s Eggs; We Be Illin

So let’s say that Nostroeggus has nailed his prophecies – and if off, still beat Vegas and the other blog wonks more handily. Sure, I invest a majority of my time discussing opponents’ campuses, their fans and their weapons of choice or cheers, idiosyncrasies and exchanging gratuitous pleasantries on their wonderfulness. But, there is always a football nut to crack in closing – kind of like the cartoon “Fractured Fairy Tales.”

What’s more interesting, Beanie Wells averaging 8 yards per carry last weekend, or Gus and Ollie spray-painting their farm animals Day-Glo to keep them from getting drive-by shot by drunk cheeseheads that have been hiding from their rolling pin-wielding wenches? Or, knowing that Pretorious is a 27-year-old former rugby player that walked onto play for the Scarlet and Gray? Here’s an idea(r) call him “the Hyena,” “He isn’t the fastest, biggest, or most cunning… but he always gets his pray…Hoorah!” Throw me a bone, here.

I could bore you to tears extrapolating on the other teams being Neanderthal like the plodding Penn State and Wisconsin Badgers — other than gamblers with lesser talent like Purdue and Indiana being on the lunatic fringe, errr spread. But, it all comes down to two things, Raw Statistics and Who Shows Up On Any Given Saturday. A lot of teams haven’t shown up lately and it’s really pissed off my bookie friend immensely. Ask Oklahoma what it’s like a Mile-High from the dust bowl? Seems to be an upset or two every Saturday lately.

Face it. This season is boring. The drill goes like this. OSU shows up to game after game and through attrition and dumb luck becomes top-ranked with a blemish for playing non-conference nambies and in a weak conference. So what?

The rest of the NCAA as any high-school recruit knows that OSU is a football factory. In no special order Defensive Backs, Kickers, Lineman, Linebackers, Running Backs, Safeties, Wide-outs, and so on leave in droves early for the Pros. Whatever the position you play at OSU, you have a chance to go professional anywhere any time. OSU loses 8 starters on Defense in from 2006 and is #1 Total Offense in the nation the following year. Yeah, yeah. “OSU Doesn’t Rebuild… they Reload.”

How can they do it year after year?

1) Tradition with 100,000 screaming fans in the Horse Shoe.

Example:
You don’t think OSU hopeful Football and Basketball recruit Pryor (from Beaver, Pennsylvania who stood up the Penn State invitation during the White Out) and came to the OSU/Wisconsin game the following weekend with 8 other recruits – who orchestrated the visit themselves. Would this effect you as a kid? Remember my soliloquy about students commuting to the Gopher dome 30 miles away, or Iado (Iowa and Purdue) lacking the Right Stuff to draw an inner-city kid to the backwoods glamour? Oh, Tress and Matta sat side-by-side at Pryor’s Friday night, high school football game before he visited us. No, it wasn’t some pimp from USC getting off a Lear Jet with a Mr. T starter kit. Get it? It was a casual full-court press. Har dee har, har. Revoke my poetic license, please.

2)Having the best training facility available might help too.

Let’s pretend together. I’m just out of high school, graduating early to get early play time or to get a jump on the other newbie goobers that show up for football “on time.” I go to the Woody Hayes Training Facility in the Summer for a workout. I lock my moped to the bike rack next to Big Daddy Wilkinson’s Hummer and duck under Eddie George’s butler’s umbrella to get through the door. No, it’s not raining. It’s what cool guys have their manservant’s do, especially when it’s sunny – kind of a Voodoo, bad-ass thing. “I was specting some weather.”

You can run into Mike Vrabel, Chris Spielman, Troy Smith, Craig Krenzel. You name it. Then there’s Coach Tressel, the coach father-like authoritarian walking the halls of the facility. If I were a recruit, I’d have to take a shower to hide the pee that ran down my leg.

3) Early Placement and Displacement occurs regularly at OSU. Recruits know that if a team will play you early then correspondingly, you can leave early – for the Pros. OSU had four Juniors leave last year, and tit looks like four (4) will leave again this year.

Whether OSU has run and equal amount of passing and running plays and Joe Pa said we’re “the most balanced team he’s seen” on offense, we’re boring. It might be a 60 yard run or pass play for big crowd jolt, but it’s expected. And, when OSU doesn’t get the jolt and gets jolted by the likes like Florida, then OSU gets angry. OSU is doing everything they can this year to not “expect” a win, but to earn it. They have something to prove, especially getting dissed by the national press and a few mouthy coaches like Steve Spurrier.

Yes, Ron Zook is a good man, has been tarred and feathered leaving Florida, and has taken a 2-7 team to great heights. But, here we go again. They have a good quarterback and a great running back, but man-for-man OSU, barring two stupid turnovers to Michigan state and a kickoff for a runback against Penn State when it didn’t matter should win by 14. Illinois will get behind and there will be no catching up. Add, 3 points for home field advantage and you’re looking a Vegas odds. We be Illin.’