Craig’s Eggs #9 – JoPa in Unhappy Valley

You must have an element of respect for a blue collar team like Penn State. They wear black high-tops like their coach has rolled up pants in lieu of a hem with white socks like the Pope John Paul had. There are no gold stars on their helmets, or dread locks hanging out of them, nor names on their uniforms.

Their jerseys wouldn’t be large enough to fit their names from all the vowels. TV commentators would only be able to gather the “ski” at the end of their names anyway.

When the PSU “boys” are bad, their coach makes them clean the whole Beaver stadium the day after the game for the entire year. A star running back and Heisman candidate accepted a suit from a booster for a banquet since he didn’t have two dimes to rub together. Because of team rules, Joe Pa revoked his scholarship to never play football again, anywhere. Period.

Regardless of the win-loss record, the university, community, players, and the dog that pees on the fire hydrant down the street sticks by their coach and team. That’s what it’s all about.

There also has to be an element of sympathy for the drab white and blue that people either willingly or not know. Penn State has been stiffed as National Champions by AP voting twice – especially by Nebraska in 1994. It has been documented and admitted in various interviews from teams across the nation that many coaches don’t even vote for the AP, but hand the job over to an underling to submit to the AP for their teams’ weekly vote. So, any plebe could determine your teams’ future with the stroke of a number two pencil. Kind of hard to swallow playing your butts off for 12 games and having a couple assistant coaches’ determine your undefeated teams’ place in history.

Despite Penn State having a 5-12-1 record against Ohio State, their 1994 team bested OSU 63-14 more decisively in 45 years than even the most formidable Wishbone-running attack in college history, Barry Switzer’s 1977 Oklahoma Sooners at the “Shoe” with Thomas Lott, Kenny King, Billy Sims, David Overstreet and Elvis Peacock {what a great name} beating the Buckeyes 29 to 28 — more than any team had scored against Woody’s teams in 45 meetings.

The 1994 PSU team had a more balanced running and passing attack than the predictable the Sooners’ anachronistic, smash-mouth approach. The Five first-round NFL draft picks of Kerry Collins Bobby Engram, Freddie Scott, Kyle Brady, and Columbus’ own Ki-Jana Carter, “Mr. Ohio” from Westerville South illustrate this fact.

According to Coach Paterno,

“Kerry is the difference in this football team… a big-time quarterback… playing as well as any quarterback we’ve had in the 45 years I’ve been here. If there is a quarterback playing better than Kerry… he’s got to be out of this world.”

Sympathy will get you nowhere. You know where nice guys finish, right? And, you know that there’s only one winner. And, the other?

Regardless of what you hear about PSU joining the Big Ten for better competition, money, and more prestigious bowl games, it comes down to their acquiring the voting power needed to not get hosed again. Being “Independent” made for the toughest schedule next to Notre Dame’s — barring Army, Navy and Little Sisters of the Poor. And, when it came to getting backers for their National Champion contention, it was like screaming into an empty well. Now they have our support. But, it is a tough love that the Buckeyes have been delivering in turn.

Enough of the Respect and Sympathy Waltz and the Nitany Lions own OSU 5 games to 2. But, even if Happy Valley is a hostile “White Out” environment and is being played late at night, it’s not like the Sweater Vest hasn’t been there before. Part of the poignancy to Joe Pa is that it makes for a “Rudy” or “All the Right Moves” story-line, but that’s what gets Penn State into trouble – that’s hard to get out of. Their Neanderthal style isn’t palatable to many contemporary football fans. I’m not talking about the lunatic fringe, spread offense – but at least passing the ball half of the time to keep your opponent off balance. If your run is taken away, then so is the element of surprise for a Play Action Pass. If you at least throw the ball half of the time regularly then you know what does and what doesn’t work. And, if you get behind, you can pass your way out of a hole. Ask the Conrhuskers why the greatest man in Nebraska history, Dr. Tom Osborne isn’t coaching any more…

Even if PSU can pass, I don’t think they have the skill players that OSU recruits and sends to the pros like a turn-style at the fair. Sure, PSU is “Linebacker U,” but the last time I checked Paul Posluszny caught a touchdown for a come-from-behind victory. Guess who’s going to throw the ball for PSU this weekend, a guy named Anthony Morelli? First of all, even if Joe Pa and Anthony’s mama, call him “Anthony” he should request his game name to be Tony. Sounds more Sporanos than schoolboy. The bottom line is that Little Tony (even more spooky) is going against the #1 Running and #1 Passing Defense in the Big Ten and PSU is two rungs below Ohio State’s Total Offense. Granted, the Penn State Total Defense is second to the Buckeyes. But, Morelli is 6th in the Big Ten in Total Offense which means that he’s doing it with his legs also which is an admirable quality, but one that will get you injured. If Anthony goes down, Arvell “Lord” Nelson won’t be admiral of the “Victory”, but will be Captain Hazelton at the helm of the Exxon Beaver.

Like a broken record, barring turnovers by the Buckeyes as in the end of the Michigan State game, PSU will have a tough time catching up with the more balanced Buckeye offense. The Silver Bullets and Little Animal Laurinaitis will force Little Anthony and his handlers to do things they’re not used to doing which is counter-productive, especially in a big game. And, barring luck, Penn State will lose. Score: Ohio State 31, Penn State 14.

*If anyone a can explain the score prediction code – you’ll receive a get away without smack card for the year…