Not only did Lee Corso pick the wrong team (which I’m sure was a shot at Herbstreet and a vocal Ohio State fanbase), after donning the duck head, he reaches out to shake hands with the blind child sitting to his right.

From the University of Michigan:

In an effort to stem the spread of sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies, the University of Michigan has started a new condom distribution program. Free condoms will be available in all dormitories for students to take as needed. You can see an example of the free condom dispensers in the photo below.

Free Condom Dispenser at University of Michigan

(Thanks toTopCultured.com for the photo)

What started as an open thread in 2007 has turned into a library of Michigan jokes. And while it’s getting harder and harder to post a new joke, that’s what it will take to win the second annual Mich1AAgan joke contest.

Post your favorite Meatchicken joke below for your chance to win a copy of “Woody Hayes’ Ohio State Buckeyes” on DVD.

Our esteemed staff of comedic experts will pick (possibly at random) the best as the winner of this year’s prize.

Here’s my 2009 entry.

(Update) For those of you who stopped by here earlier, I’m afraid I couldn’t get Ohio State Snuggie I was hoping to give away. Don’t worry, the Woody Hayes DVD is good. This year’s jokes start with “Shoeworkers” below.

I’ve included jokes from the past two years below the picture and you can see last year’s winning joke here.  Enjoy!

webmaster3000 November 14, 2007 at 12:52 pm [edit]

Q: Why did Michigan change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Michigan cheerleaders from grazing at half time.

One day in an elementary school in Ann Arbor Michigan, a teacher asks her class if the Michigan Wolverines are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, “What’s your favorite football team Jimmy?”
Little Jimmy says, “The Ohio State Buckeyes.”
The teacher asks, “Well, why is that?”
Little Jimmy says, “Well, my dad is a Buckeye fan, my mom is a Buckeye fan, I guess that makes me a Buckeye fan.”
The teacher angered by his reply says, “If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?”
Little Jimmy says, “Well, I guess that would make me a Michigan fan.”

One foggy night, a Buckeye fan was heading north from Columbus and a Michigan fan was driving south from Ann Arbor. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Michigan fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, “Man, I’m lucky to be alive!”
Likewise, the Buckeye fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Wolverine fan walks over to the Buckeye fan and says, “Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals.”
The Buckeye fan thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you’re absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I’m going to see if something else survived the wreck.”
The Buckeye fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel’s. He says to the Wolverine, “I think this is another sign–we should toast to our newfound friendship.” The Wolverine fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Wolverine fan hands it back to the Buckeye fan and says, “Your turn!”
The Buckeye fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, “Nah, I think I’ll just wait for the cops to show up.”

Q: What do Michigan and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: What’s the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Michigan campus. That’s the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Why don’t University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Why should the University of Michigan change its name to the “Opossums”?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
A: Drool

Q: What do you get when you cross a groundhog and a Wolverine?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.
The genie said to the General, “I will grant you one wish.” The General replied, “I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war.”
The genie responded, “I’m not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish.”
“Well,” the General responds, “then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?”
After a moment, the genie says, “Let me see that map again.”

Q: How do you make University of Michigan cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Michigan fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There’s some things that a pig will not do.

Q: How many University of Michigan freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it’s a sophomore course.

Ann Arbor News Report: Football practice in Ann Arbor was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field.
The head coach, Lloyd Carr, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.
Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q. What did the Michigan graduate say to the Ohio State graduate?
A. “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order, please?”

It was reported that Michigan head football coach Lloyd Carr will only be dressing twenty players for the Ohio State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: How do you get a Michigan grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What’s the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
A: Columbus: 187 Miles

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Ohio State grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting “This is for the Fighting Irish!” as he fell to his doom.
Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, “This is for the Nittany Lions!”
Seeing this the OSU grad walked over and shouted “This is for the Buckeyes!” and pushed the Wolverine off the side of the mountain.
GO BUCKS!

Annapolisbuckeye November 14, 2007 at 9:52 pm [edit]

That’s the stuff we’re looking for!!

A big thanks goes out to Webmaster 3000.

Annapolisbuckeye November 15, 2007 at 5:00 am [edit]

When Bo died last year, he went up to heaven (yeah, he got in) to find St. Peter waiting for him. St. Pete greeted him and said, “Bo, come on in, we’ve been expecting you. Let me take you to your new place.”

St. Pete lead Bo down the road until they got to this cozy little cabin, a little worn for wear, with a little Michigan flag waving in the front yard.

Bo moved in and made himself at home.

That evening, Bo thought he’d go out for a walk and see the neighborhood. He walked about a block when he got to this giant mansion built out of scarlet and gray colored bricks. The driveway formed a Block O and the Ohio State Marching Band could be seen performing Script Ohio in the back yard.

Bo didn’t know what to think. On his way home, he stopped by to see St. Peter.

“I’m not one to complain,” Bo told St. Peter. “But why does Woody have such an amazing house and I just have that little cabin.”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” St. Peter replied.

“That house, about a block from my house. Why does Woody get a mansion and I only get this little cabin,” Bo said.

St. Peter took one look at where Bo was pointing and said, “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s not Woody’s house. That house belongs to God.”

jacob whisler September 21, 2008 at 2:05 am [edit]

one day a michigan fan and an OSU fan were in a bathroom. They got done and the OSU fan was about to leave. The Michigan fan said to the OSU fan “At michigan they teach us to wash our hands. The OSU fan looks at the Michigan fan and says “At OSU they teach us not to pee all over ourselfs

buckeymaniac September 21, 2008 at 2:09 am [edit]

one day an OSU fan a michigan fan and a notre dame fan were having a race to see who could jump off a bridge and see who made it down first. The michigan fan lost of course cuz he had to stop and ask for directions

white jokes October 26, 2008 at 4:14 pm [edit]

Thanks you’ve posted some awesome jokes!

Steven November 8, 2008 at 3:26 pm [edit]

Q. Why di they stop serving ice at Michigan games?

A. The senoir who knew the recipe graduated

Mike November 20, 2008 at 6:53 am [edit]

It’s 4th and goal, with Michigan having the ball at the Ohio State 3. OSU leads 17-13 with 2 seconds to play. Rich Rodriguez calls his last time out.

Rodriguez looks towards the Heavens and says, “God, it’s been a rough year. I understand you letting Notre Dame beat us, but making us lose to Toledo was just mean. I know I’ve used your name in vain too often this season, but I really need this win. What play should I call?”

And all of a sudden, Rodriguez, and only him, hears a bellowing voice, “Pro, king, 48 toss.”

Rodriguez’s eyes light up. He looks up, sees the face of God. “Yes, that’s it,” he exclaims, “Thanks God.”

So he sends in the play. Nick Sheridan tosses the ball to Brandon Minor around the right end. Minor sees a hole, cuts inside, and looks like he will score. Rodriguez throws his arms up in the air in triumph.

Then, all of a sudden, James Laurinaitis comes out of nowhere, and tackles Minor just short of the goal line. Ohio Stadium erupts, as Rodriguez falls to his knees, stunned.

He looks up, and sees God’s face again. Sorrowfully, he asks, “God, why did you tell me to call that play?”

God hesitates, looks to his left, and says, “Hey Woody, why did we call that play?”

kmzipsgolf November 20, 2008 at 8:32 pm [edit]

Little Rhett was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up— fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

Little Rhett was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. ‘My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money.’

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took little Rhett aside to ask him, ‘Is that really true about your father?’

‘No,’ said little Rhett, ‘He coaches Michigan football, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.’

kmzipsgolf November 21, 2008 at 5:28 am [edit]

Q: What time is it?
A: It’s 10:28PM, and Michigan still sucks.

Bryan November 25, 2008 at 6:49 pm [edit]

Q: How do you stop a Michigan fan from masterbating?

A: Paint his dick scarlet and gray. he wont beat it for four yearsc

MaliBuckeye November 25, 2008 at 6:54 pm [edit]

What do you get when you cross a Wolverine with a groundhog?

Six more weeks of crappy football.

Steve November 25, 2008 at 6:56 pm [edit]

Why won’t Michigan play OSU this year?
They can’t get past Toledo.

One of the biggest problems with the current BCS system is that when you play in the toughest conference in the country, it is nearly impossible to make it out of conference play unscathed. First a fifth ranked Penn State drops to Iowa powerhouse. Now the 8th ranked Buckeyes go down to Purdue who were only a play or two from turning a 1-5 record into a 6-0 record.

Unlike the SEC, the Big Ten fronts at least seven teams with the ability to do serious damage year after year. Along with the rivalry games which can go either way, Ohio State, Penn State, Iowa, Wisconsin provide bruising, physical play that would leave a PAC 10 team wilted. Not to mention an up and coming Michigan who is in the process of mixing up the traditional Big Ten style. Not only does a Big Ten team need imposing physical strength, they need the ability to diversify against whatever the Big Ten may bring.

In other conferences, there are enough soft games that teams can heal and regroup after meeting the occasional tough in conference opponent. In the Big Ten however, unless you schedule mid-season out of conference games like Delaware State, chances are, you don’t get a break.

At some point, the BCS must recognize the strength of the Big Ten schedule and recognize that a one or even two loss Big Ten team still belongs in the BCS Championship.

If you make it through the top half of the conference, then you’ve got to face an up and coming Michigan State, an inconsistent but dangerous Illinois. Minnesota and Northwestern can both prove tough when they find their legs.

While other BCS schools gun for the Commander-in-Chief Trophy or fail in their attempts to run the scoreboard against Tennessee, Big Ten schools are forced to scrape through a dangerous Big Ten schedule year after year.

The BCS needs to recognize the dominance of the Big 10 and recognize that even a two loss Big Ten team could be worthy of shot at the BCS title.

The Buckeyes head to the loony bin that is East Lansing this weekend and the Michigan State Riot Team has been practicing hard. No question, these guys are professional. MSU Riot Team offensive lineman and returning senior Michal Fillpowski summarized the success of their spring practice, “Dude it was nuts. I was like Bro…we got to get a keg.”

And it is seniors like Fillpowski that provide the leadership that keeps the MSU Riot team strong. Their ability take the fight to riot police proves that they are heads and shoulders above the average couch burner.

“We’ve been studying the films and there is no question these guys can play. Even with a lung full of tear gas and injured players on the field, MSU produces the quality rioter that can go down, suffer a minor trampling and still maintain enough beer to take a swig before getting up — even if he can’t get up,” commented an anonymous Ohio State fan heading to East Lansing for the game.

Buckeyes fans agree that our best chance is to beat them in the stadium and even that might not be enough. As MSU has proven in the past, the only thing worse than a happy MSU Riot Team is an angry MSU Riot Team.

Oh…Now this changes everything!!!

The Columbus Dispatch is reporting this morning that Big Ten officials are admitting that a blown fumble call in the 2007 Ohio State/Illinois game should have been called a fumble. As you can see in the video above, the ball was recovered by Ohio State in the end zone for what would have been touchback and most likely preventing an Illinois touchdown.

According to the Dispatch, the officiating team had struggled the week before in a Purdue game and it was later revealed that the head referee had a “history of bankruptcy, casino gambling, child abuse and allegations of sexual harassment.” Not that any of that would affect your ability to officiate a game. Let’s just say he probably won’t be back this season.

While I had actually manage to force this painful memory to the deep recesses of my memory, let’s go back and take a look at the impact of this missed call – just for the fun of it.

By the time Illinois lined up for the next play, most of the television audience was screaming for an official review of the call as they could all see that Illinois running back Dan Dufrene basically attempted to lateral the ball as he fell to the ground. No question Tressel should have called for a review but he claimed at the time that he heard there was something wrong with the replay equipment and he didn’t want to waste a challenge that early in the game.

While is was absolutely ridiculous that Illinois found a hole like that and made that type of run, the implications of this blown call are huge. if the fumble was recovered by Ohio State, that would have prevented the Illinois touchdown making the score 7-0, Ohio State. That puts the ball on the 20 and gives the Bucks the opportunity to drive against a frustrated Illinois.

Let’s say the Buckeyes score, and Illinois manages to put another touchdown on the board. That makes it a tie game. Buckeyes either pull ahead or keep it tied preventing the luxury of the slow drive which ate most of the fourth quarter preventing Ohio State from gaining possession. In a game that close, the slow drive wouldn’t have worked, the Buckeyes would have gotten at least one more shot at the ball, pulled themselves together and won the game.

Having beaten Illinois, they head into Michigan full of confidence. Michigan, who was coming off a loss to Wisconsin gets humiliated even more than they did and the Buckeyes head to the BCS Championship undefeated — no questions asked about their number #1 ranking.

With an undefeated season under their belt, they are mentally much better prepared for the game against LSU. Confidence is at a high, no dropped passes in the end zone, no nearly missed blocked kicks and the Buckeyes go on to win the national championship.

Seems simple enough to me.

Oh, and for the SEC trolls bound to find this post, the blown call isn’t that big a deal. Unlike LSU, the Buckeyes will be in the hunt again this year and odds are, we’ll be playing in the BCS Championship for the third year in a row.

Update: In my usual fashion, I originally said that the recovered ball would be a touch back worth two points. Hey, it seemed good at the time. I’ve modified the post to reflect the scenario of ball on 20. Sorry about that.

Thanks to a lucrative deal with the BCS, Notre Dame is looking forward to yet another BCS bowl game.

“We figure that after the beating we got from USC, it should be smooth sailing from here on out,” Notre Dame coach Charile Weis told reporters gathered after yesterday’s loss. “Although we know that we don’t really stand much of a chance against Navy, with Air Force, Duke and Stanford, that should give us an opportunity to really move up in the polls.”

According to BCS Rules, if Notre Dame finishes better than 8th in the BCS Poll, they are guaranteed a BCS bowl game and they receive payments for participating in the BCS even if they don’t actually play in a bowl game. Weis told reporters that with the number of upsets in the top ten this year, Notre Dame had a pretty good shot.

“When I talked to Kevin (White) last week, he was pretty sure he could convince the conference commissioners that it just won’t be a BCS season without Notre Dame in a BCS game,” Weis said.

Weis continued, “We’re thinking Fiesta Bowl would be nice. We really enjoyed getting beat by Ohio State in the ‘05 Fiesta. Sure, there were better teams that should have gone that year but we always bring in the ratings and that’s what this is really about isn’t it, ratings?”

Weis then expressed regret that Army was not on the schedule this year making it even harder to win the Commander in Chief Trophy, given annually to the academy team with the best performance against the other academies.

“We’ve been really proud to take home the Commander in Chief’s trophy for the last few years. This year, due to a mistake in the scheduling, we were forced to play much better teams than we would like. This made our push for a the Commander’s Trophy all that much more difficult, but we are confident that the president will make an exception for us this year, what with it being a scheduling mistake and all,” Weis said.

Weis also said that he liked the fact that with a 10 year coaching contract and guaranteed payment from the BCS, even if he didn’t win any games, it would be a successful season.

“That’s the beauty of coaching at Notre Dame. As a white guy with a lucrative contract, I’m pretty much set. There will always be Notre Dame fans, our Athletic Director sits on the management board of the BCS (which is always a plus in years like this) and we’ve got guaranteed national television coverage with NBC through 2010. The way I see it, we really don’t need to win again until at least November of 09,” Weis told reporters.