Jordan Hicks, pretty much the No.1 recruit coming out of Ohio (Lakota West H.S., West Chester) announced today that he’s going to Texas. He’s been wavering between Ohio State, Texas and Florida for some time. He’ll sign his letter of intent Wed. Of the three, if he can’t go to Ohio State, I’m glad he’s going to Texas. Unlike Florida, I can stomach Texas and their fans.

Signing day is next Wednesday and the Buckeyes are still in the running for Seantrel Henderson and Matt Henderson, both offensive linemen. Both are doing their fair share of traveling this week though.

In the meantime, if you haven’t seen Hicks, here’s a glimpse of what we missed:

Nothing wrong with this photo. The Eggman was just really bent.

Long time readers of this blog will remember tEgg Man. It’s been a while since we’ve heard from our blogger at large but word has it he made it to the Rose Bowl. He’s back, the chemicals have worn off and he’s ready to report. Leave it to tEgg Man to prick his finger on the stem of the Rose.

Sitting in the North end of the Rose Bowl’s Row 66, in the nosebleed section under the Jumbotron, I was hit with a relentless barrage of text messages from Buckeye fans abroad. “Terrell throws like a girl” which was naturally from an SEC fan. “TP sucks,” came from a guy they that wanted Justin Zwick over Troy Smith in 2008 before Smith won 10 games in a row and a Heisman — before succumbing to the “Banquet Circuit” to oblivion at the hands of Myer’s and Tim Tebow’s underdogs. Praise the Lord for armchair quarterbacks.

If you attended the Rose Bowl, you’d find it hard to imagine that the game went “Exactly As Scripted” per the LA Times.  Even the Buckeye-hating Brent Musburger kowtowed to Tressell’s coaching the Scarlet and Gray. As expected, the Columbus Dispatch sportswriters fell in line.

I asked our 17-year-old son, “Am I missing something?” He responded as I read the paper aloud, “What game were they at?” I can’t get my head around why TP is viewed as the second coming of Vince Young — who by the way, really throws like a girl. We watched Terrell get sacked four times for 20 yards in losses and throw an interception.

The 17-yard fling to Posey for a touchdown was sweet as was tight end Jake Ballard’s catch between two defensive backs and Dane Sanzenbacher for a jump ball and critical first down. Exactly a scripted? Please. Then, I guess, the Buckeyes scripted the Oregon personal foul that gave OSU a first down and an offside by Oregon for another third-down conversion crossing midfield — not to mention Oregon’s missed field goal in the third quarter to bring them within one possession of taking the lead. Stupid call Kelly.

To anyone that attended the game, you’d know it was a gut wrenching experience and eerily closer than the writers say. You have to admit the OSU kick coverage was at best a feeble sieve, allowing more than 200 yards off Oregon’s freshman Barger’s kick returns. Very cool and well executed reverse on a kickoff return. Brilliant! The Ducks had flash to the very end.

Their die-hard fans were great too. If it wasn’t for LeGarrett “Rock ‘em Sock ‘em” Blount’s fumble on the 10 yard line into the end zone, the game may have had a different complexion altogether.

Regardless, To the Victors Belong the Spoils. And, whoever wins writes the history books.

As a Buckeye fan, I acknowledge that we’re all spoiled, want, expect, desire, demand to win — despite our pensive and cynical nature from 12 years of Cooper and being thrashed twice by the SEC for the BCS titles. Not to mention choking against Vince Young’s Texas and not sneaking the ball on the one foot line three times (passing 3 times and out) against Surfer Boy Barkley’s University of Spoiled Children (USC) and choking to Purdue.

Yes, we’re full of Buckeye dread… A psychologist would have a field day with our narcissistic neurosis. We think therefore, we is… If the buckeyes lose, we collectively lose, and if they win, we’re in turn collectively winners. The Ducks’ fans understand that. They drove home 12 hours over the snow-covered mountains as losers hoping for a better year to come. Although both teams’ players are kids, we live through their eyes. Sometimes we just can’t see the forest through the trees.

The most telltale part of the Rose Bowl was The Battle of the Bands. The Best Damned Band In The Land (TBDBITL) was awesome, while the Duck band looked like a rabble — a bunch of stoned security guards in vinyl jackets and their safety Da-Glo yellow as if handed instruments at the last minute because the real Oregon band was stranded in the Sierra Madre’s in the snow with a flat tire.  Their band’s Half Time theme was “Back to the Future.” How sophomoric — like they’d ever be back in the next decade at USC’s home field. They better get some batteries for their Way Back Machine…

After the best tradition in NCAA football, Script Ohio, left the field, the rabble of Oregon band members ran out to the field (instead of marching) as if a rugby scrum. Nice uniforms — baseball caps and a flag drill team? Guys, even a high school band can create a formation and march in sync, and in a straight line. It was abysmal and an embarrassment to their university. For God’s sake, for the taxpayers of Oregon, you guys better not be on full ride scholarship or I’m going to give my kids kazoo lessons, ship him out, and replace your worthless asses. Feel my disgust. It’s as liberating as paying bills or taxes. But, it shouldn’t be in front of a national audience at the Granddaddy of Them All.

Enough — you get it.

You have to love the Buckeye fans’ ongoing, incessant O-H-I-O. mantra that could be heard on the flight to the game, at the Rose Parade, on the walk down Peco Valley to the stadium, at the tailgate, booming throughout the stadium, at the hotel, and on the flight home. It got so bad that it was almost embarrassing. Other schools might question Ohio State’s academic standing like that’s all we can spell — old and young alike screaming as if we just got off a drinking binge. Could be worse. It would be tough to spell MIS ISS I PPI. Good luck with that.

The put-off before, during and after the game were the holy rollers with their signs and bull horns proselytizing us football fans, “You know more about a Buckeye than you know about the Lord Jesus Christ… What the heck is a Buckeye anyway?”

Really — the audacity.

These are probably the same banner-carrying killjoys at the Rose Parade who followed us on our 5-mile pilgrimage to the Rose Bowl. At one point after the game a silver Hummer bedecked with its red white and black Buckeye helmet piping and Ohio license plate (yes, those numbnuts actually drove all the way out for the game) almost mowed them down.

Okay, that’s not the spirit, nor Christian. Let’s be rational. You might say the Buckeye nation is a sports-based cult built on tradition and fellowship. Let’s leave it at that. For your information a Buckeye is a poisonous nut we worship mostly during football season. If you eat it, then you die, then visit TLJC. But in the meantime, I have another five hours to fly and eat my airline ration, connect in Charlotte, fly another one and half hours, drive home, put the kids to bed for school and go to work in the morning so I can pay for this darned trip.

The best thing about the Buckeye fans is that we are worth our “buck.” Love us or hate us, we’ll spend our last stinking dollar, fly or drive to California, buy $5 hot dogs, $9 beers, $15 caps, $20 t-shirts, pay $500 for overpriced tickets — you name it. The massive Buckeye nation lives through the Bucks eyes like we earned it — so we can do whatever we want. Thank you for making us winners. Go Bucks! Oh, and Quack…

In what may have been a break out game for Terelle Pryor, the Buckeyes hushed the critics winning their first BCS game since 2005nd their first Rose Bowl since 1997. Pryor, who threw 23-37 for a total 266 yards (a career high) proved that he can be the dual threat quarterback we’ve all hoped he would be.

On Defense, the Buckeyes did a good job of turning Oregon into a one dimensional offense but not in the way I expected. Going into this game, I expected Ohio State to shut down the Oregon run but it was the Ducks passing game which suffered the most. Massoli was held to 9 out of 20 for a mere 81 yards. Oregon did gain 179 yards on the ground which is the second highest rushing yards allowed by the Ohio State defense this season.

Defensively, the Buckeyes did almost exactly what I expected them to do. For the most part, they manged to contain Masoli and the option, did not get sucked in by the deception and most important, kept the Oregon offense off the field. The Buckeyes held the Ducks to only 12 first downs the entire game.

Offensively, I think the Buckeyes surprised everyone. While I predicted long, slow, clock-eating drives, I thought they’d do it on the ground. Instead, Pryor found his passing arm and Tressel had the confidence in him to use it. Along with his 266 yards in the air, Pryor ran for a total 70 yards while Brandon Saine carried the ball 14 times for a 45 yards. I will say that the Oregon defense got through to Pryor more then I thought they would. They got some serious mileage out of the shoe string tackle.

Most telling though was time of possession. Going into this game, we heard an earful from the Oregon fans that the hurry up offense combined with a speedy, deceptive backfield would leave the Ohio State D huffing and puffing. Wasn’t a problem though as the Buckeyes controlled the ball for almost 42 minutes. It turns out the defense had more then enough time to rest and recuperate on the bench.

Oregon’s most dangerous weapon was their kick return. The Buckeyes had a hard time slowing both Barner and Harris who averaged around 28 yards per return. If the Buckeyes had performed better on special teams, this game might have been a much bigger Ohio State win.

In classic Tresselball style, the Buckeyes refused to put it away until late in the game. While I’m glad we one, I’ll also be glad when we stop relying so much on the field goal and start scoring a few more touchdowns.

For now though, the Buckeyes have proven themselves on the national stage. Pryor demonstrated that he can throw the ball as well as run. The Vince Young comparisons are obvious and Ohio State should start the 2010 season well suited for a national championship run.

There is an amazing confidence coming out of the Oregon fan base which personally, I find amusing. There’s even a video going around of 2009 Ohio State plays gone bad. I just wanted to take a moment to show the Oregon fans what they’re up against.

The ability to run the option doesn’t mean much when they’re swarming from all sides.

Oregon Debuts Rose Bowl Uniforms

Regardless of all the talk coming out of Oregon about a blowout over the Buckeyes, Vegas isn’t convinced. And although the Ducks open as favorites, they are only favored by 3.5 points.

A close game doesn’t bode well for the Ducks. If they are to have a chance, they need to get out in a high scoring game. And while we keep hearing about Oregon’s offensive speed, other then Blount (who may or may not play) I don’t think these guys are that big (correct me if I’m wrong). The Buckeyes front four brings size and speed and know how to pressure a quarterback. Bringing pressure and containing the ball will be a key factor in this game.

Offensively, the Buckeye O line improved leaps and bounds post Purdue. I don’t know how many times Pryor was sacked in the last four or five games but I bet I can count them on one hand and still have a few fingers left over. Against Oregon State, Oregon eventually found their way through the line but they had troubles getting to Canfield. If he can get away, watch what happens when Pryor runs.

There’s been a lot of talk about the Oregon spread/read option offense. A reader shared a detailed analysis of the Oregon offense on an earlier post on this blog. To be honest, all those x’s and o’s were a little much for my youth hockey playing mind. As I understand it, it’s got something to do with reading the defensive end or tackle — depending on how you run the play.

As I said, all those x’s and o’s were a little much for me so I tossed the post over to Rob Harley at Harley in the Huddle. Harley comes from a long line of Ohio State history (somebody in his family built a “house”) and he played on the ‘02 national championship team. I figured he might be able to provide a working man’s description of the Oregon offense.

Rob did a great job at providing a breakdown (links above). As I see it, defending against it comes down to:

1. a strong secondary (which the offense is trying to thin by spreading them across the field) that can cover in the open field

2. Pressuring the quarterback and containing the ball.

In the read option, one defensive player goes unblocked. The quarterback “reads” this unblocked player and moves the ball in the opposite direction.

What makes Oregon’s attack so effective is their ability to fake the read. If you watched Oregon/Oregon State, you could see how well they hid the ball. Even on the replays I was watching the wrong guy take off down the field. What Rob points out so well in his post is that the misdirection is just “window dressing” disguising a typical option attack. As in a traditional option, the key is sending the unblocked player in the wrong direction.

So to me the answer seems simple. Get two defenders into backfield — one for the quarterback and one for the guy on the option. This of course means that somebody on the offensive line is going to need to get beat which as we all know, isn’t that uncommon against the Ohio State defense. Pressure the quarterback. Pressure him again and when you can’t get to him, contain the option.

The Ohio State defense knows how to shut down an offense — especially against the run. They’ve only allowed an average of 84 yards/game on the ground which puts them at 5th in the nation. They’ve posted three shout outs this year and came close to getting two more. The Coleman lead secondary is no laughing matter either. They’ve proven themselves pretty good at putting points on the board. Something that might be a problem for Oregon.

So there you have it. Pressure the quarterback, contain the ball and win the secondary battles. Seems easy enough. If the Buckeyes hit hard and hit early they’ll throw Masoli off his game. Keep him off balance and this game is ours to win.

If you haven’t stopped by Rob’s site (Harley in the Huddle), be sure to check it out. He’s got a great mix of blogging and video analysis.

Really?

Going into this game, I though Oregon State would be the better matchup for Ohio State. However, after Oregon’s win over Oregon State, I like the way the Buckeyes line up against the Ducks. If the PAC 10 championship is any indication, beating the Ducks will come down to stopping the run.

As is typical of Ohio State these days, the game will turn on the play of our defense. Oregon State did a good job of containing the Oregon option threat for the first half but by mid-way through the third quarter, the Beaver defense had taken some hits, lost some players and in the end just couldn’t keep up.

Oregon’s running attack was all about deception–fake handoffs, receivers coming in on the snap count to run the ball and lots of misdirection. The Buckeyes have seen something similar this year against Navy. While the Navy triple option gave us a scare, it won’t be new and the Buckeye defense has come a long way since that day in early September.

The other thing I like about Oregon is that they are prone to handing over the ball. The Buckeyes like to force turnovers and turnovers could make the difference in a big game.

On the other side of the ball, Oregon’s defense looked quick and brought the pressure. Oregon State quarterback Sean Canfield did a great job at getting rid of the ball quick. The question remains if Pryor can do the same. Either our offensive line will need to do a much better job protecting Pryor then the Beavers did protecting Canfield (although he did a good job avoiding the sack) or Pryor will need to demonstrate much stronger decision making. Our offensive line and Pryor showed nice improvement in both areas during the regular season.

Expect to see more of the Tressel style offense we’ve come to expect this year. Tress will look to move the ball on the ground, roll out (safe) passing schemes and an occasional attempt at the home run. The Oregon defense is just too fast for Tress to let Pryor work from the pocket.

Let’s just hope that Tressel doesn’t over prepare this year. There’s been a sense of tunnel vision during post-season games of late with the Buckeyes failing to adjust as the game developed. Oregon Coach Kelly has come a long way in his first year and overcome a difficult start to the season (yep, LeGarrette Blount was back for the first time since his season debut.) He’ll have his team ready.

Finally, there’s something about the team from 1,000 uniforms that just rubs me wrong. Maybe it’s their flair for fashion (what, no wings on the shoulder’s?). Maybe it’s the cocky attitude that reminds me all to much of the Miami team we beat in 2003. Whatever it is by halftime, I was definitely routing for Oregon State. However, I would love to see the Buckeyes open a big ‘ol can of defensive lead beatdown come January 1.

What started as an open thread in 2007 has turned into a library of Michigan jokes. And while it’s getting harder and harder to post a new joke, that’s what it will take to win the second annual Mich1AAgan joke contest.

Post your favorite Meatchicken joke below for your chance to win a copy of “Woody Hayes’ Ohio State Buckeyes” on DVD.

Our esteemed staff of comedic experts will pick (possibly at random) the best as the winner of this year’s prize.

Here’s my 2009 entry.

(Update) For those of you who stopped by here earlier, I’m afraid I couldn’t get Ohio State Snuggie I was hoping to give away. Don’t worry, the Woody Hayes DVD is good. This year’s jokes start with “Shoeworkers” below.

I’ve included jokes from the past two years below the picture and you can see last year’s winning joke here.  Enjoy!

webmaster3000 November 14, 2007 at 12:52 pm [edit]

Q: Why did Michigan change their field from grass to artificial turf?
A: To keep the Michigan cheerleaders from grazing at half time.

One day in an elementary school in Ann Arbor Michigan, a teacher asks her class if the Michigan Wolverines are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, “What’s your favorite football team Jimmy?”
Little Jimmy says, “The Ohio State Buckeyes.”
The teacher asks, “Well, why is that?”
Little Jimmy says, “Well, my dad is a Buckeye fan, my mom is a Buckeye fan, I guess that makes me a Buckeye fan.”
The teacher angered by his reply says, “If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?”
Little Jimmy says, “Well, I guess that would make me a Michigan fan.”

One foggy night, a Buckeye fan was heading north from Columbus and a Michigan fan was driving south from Ann Arbor. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Michigan fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, “Man, I’m lucky to be alive!”
Likewise, the Buckeye fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Wolverine fan walks over to the Buckeye fan and says, “Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals.”
The Buckeye fan thinks for a moment and says, “You know, you’re absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I’m going to see if something else survived the wreck.”
The Buckeye fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel’s. He says to the Wolverine, “I think this is another sign–we should toast to our newfound friendship.” The Wolverine fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Wolverine fan hands it back to the Buckeye fan and says, “Your turn!”
The Buckeye fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, “Nah, I think I’ll just wait for the cops to show up.”

Q: What do Michigan and pot have in common?
A: They both get smoked in bowls!

Q: What’s the difference between a University of Michigan fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.

Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Michigan campus. That’s the last place you would find a football player.

Q: Why don’t University of Michigan fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.

Q: Why do University of Michigan fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.

Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Michigan campus?
A: A visitor.

Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Michigan library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.

Q: Why should the University of Michigan change its name to the “Opossums”?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.

Q: What does the average University of Michigan student get on his SAT?
A: Drool

Q: What do you get when you cross a groundhog and a Wolverine?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.

General Schwarzkopf was walking through the desert during the Gulf War when he found a lamp on the ground. He picked it up, rubbed, and out came a genie.
The genie said to the General, “I will grant you one wish.” The General replied, “I wish that we will win this war. Here is a map of the desert and all the war parties. Please make us win the war.”
The genie responded, “I’m not that powerful of a genie. I cannot grant you that wish.”
“Well,” the General responds, “then can you have University of Michigan win a bowl game this year?”
After a moment, the genie says, “Let me see that map again.”

Q: How do you make University of Michigan cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours

Q: What do you get when you cross a University of Michigan fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There’s some things that a pig will not do.

Q: How many University of Michigan freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it’s a sophomore course.

Ann Arbor News Report: Football practice in Ann Arbor was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field.
The head coach, Lloyd Carr, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line.
Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.

Q. What did the Michigan graduate say to the Ohio State graduate?
A. “Welcome to McDonald’s. May I take your order, please?”

It was reported that Michigan head football coach Lloyd Carr will only be dressing twenty players for the Ohio State game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.

Q: How do you get a Michigan grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.

Q: What’s the only sign of intelligent life in Ann Arbor?
A: Columbus: 187 Miles

Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Ohio State grad, a Michigan grad, a Penn State grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They continued to argue all the way up the mountain, and finally as they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting “This is for the Fighting Irish!” as he fell to his doom.
Not wanting to be out done, the Penn State grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, “This is for the Nittany Lions!”
Seeing this the OSU grad walked over and shouted “This is for the Buckeyes!” and pushed the Wolverine off the side of the mountain.
GO BUCKS!

Annapolisbuckeye November 14, 2007 at 9:52 pm [edit]

That’s the stuff we’re looking for!!

A big thanks goes out to Webmaster 3000.

Annapolisbuckeye November 15, 2007 at 5:00 am [edit]

When Bo died last year, he went up to heaven (yeah, he got in) to find St. Peter waiting for him. St. Pete greeted him and said, “Bo, come on in, we’ve been expecting you. Let me take you to your new place.”

St. Pete lead Bo down the road until they got to this cozy little cabin, a little worn for wear, with a little Michigan flag waving in the front yard.

Bo moved in and made himself at home.

That evening, Bo thought he’d go out for a walk and see the neighborhood. He walked about a block when he got to this giant mansion built out of scarlet and gray colored bricks. The driveway formed a Block O and the Ohio State Marching Band could be seen performing Script Ohio in the back yard.

Bo didn’t know what to think. On his way home, he stopped by to see St. Peter.

“I’m not one to complain,” Bo told St. Peter. “But why does Woody have such an amazing house and I just have that little cabin.”

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” St. Peter replied.

“That house, about a block from my house. Why does Woody get a mansion and I only get this little cabin,” Bo said.

St. Peter took one look at where Bo was pointing and said, “Oh, I’m sorry. That’s not Woody’s house. That house belongs to God.”

jacob whisler September 21, 2008 at 2:05 am [edit]

one day a michigan fan and an OSU fan were in a bathroom. They got done and the OSU fan was about to leave. The Michigan fan said to the OSU fan “At michigan they teach us to wash our hands. The OSU fan looks at the Michigan fan and says “At OSU they teach us not to pee all over ourselfs

buckeymaniac September 21, 2008 at 2:09 am [edit]

one day an OSU fan a michigan fan and a notre dame fan were having a race to see who could jump off a bridge and see who made it down first. The michigan fan lost of course cuz he had to stop and ask for directions

white jokes October 26, 2008 at 4:14 pm [edit]

Thanks you’ve posted some awesome jokes!

Steven November 8, 2008 at 3:26 pm [edit]

Q. Why di they stop serving ice at Michigan games?

A. The senoir who knew the recipe graduated

Mike November 20, 2008 at 6:53 am [edit]

It’s 4th and goal, with Michigan having the ball at the Ohio State 3. OSU leads 17-13 with 2 seconds to play. Rich Rodriguez calls his last time out.

Rodriguez looks towards the Heavens and says, “God, it’s been a rough year. I understand you letting Notre Dame beat us, but making us lose to Toledo was just mean. I know I’ve used your name in vain too often this season, but I really need this win. What play should I call?”

And all of a sudden, Rodriguez, and only him, hears a bellowing voice, “Pro, king, 48 toss.”

Rodriguez’s eyes light up. He looks up, sees the face of God. “Yes, that’s it,” he exclaims, “Thanks God.”

So he sends in the play. Nick Sheridan tosses the ball to Brandon Minor around the right end. Minor sees a hole, cuts inside, and looks like he will score. Rodriguez throws his arms up in the air in triumph.

Then, all of a sudden, James Laurinaitis comes out of nowhere, and tackles Minor just short of the goal line. Ohio Stadium erupts, as Rodriguez falls to his knees, stunned.

He looks up, and sees God’s face again. Sorrowfully, he asks, “God, why did you tell me to call that play?”

God hesitates, looks to his left, and says, “Hey Woody, why did we call that play?”

kmzipsgolf November 20, 2008 at 8:32 pm [edit]

Little Rhett was in his 5th grade class when the teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up— fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.

Little Rhett was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher asked him about his father. ‘My father’s an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes, if the offer’s really good, he’ll go out to the alley with some guy and make love with him for money.’

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some coloring, and took little Rhett aside to ask him, ‘Is that really true about your father?’

‘No,’ said little Rhett, ‘He coaches Michigan football, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.’

kmzipsgolf November 21, 2008 at 5:28 am [edit]

Q: What time is it?
A: It’s 10:28PM, and Michigan still sucks.

Bryan November 25, 2008 at 6:49 pm [edit]

Q: How do you stop a Michigan fan from masterbating?

A: Paint his dick scarlet and gray. he wont beat it for four yearsc

MaliBuckeye November 25, 2008 at 6:54 pm [edit]

What do you get when you cross a Wolverine with a groundhog?

Six more weeks of crappy football.

Steve November 25, 2008 at 6:56 pm [edit]

Why won’t Michigan play OSU this year?
They can’t get past Toledo.

It was this time last year that for the first time in my long, great hatred of all things _ichigan, I found myself questioning, searching, trying to find some sense of reason. Last year though, I cold chalk it up to a rebuilding year. Coach Rodriguez was new, give him a chance, it can only get better.

It hasn’t.

And although I thought the 42-7 pasting we gave them last year was about as humiliating as it gets, things have only gotten worse for that school up north. Since that last ROTC push up, even more players have dropped out, accusations have flown, fans are beyond angry and as one looking to spew his hate…well…I’m a little off balance.

So as I stand here looking out over the wasteland that has become _ichigan football, I want to flash back to a better time. Back to 2006 when a #1 Ohio State met a #2 Michigan for the one of the greatest games college football has ever known. It was in the run up to that year that I was asked by CSTV.com to participate in a “Battle of the Blogs.” Standing across from me that day was Brian Cook of MGoBlog who pointed out the importance of this great game when he said:

…The truth is that Michigan and Ohio State need each other. Believe me, I hate to admit it – I’m typing this poised over the sink in case the gagging becomes too much for my stomach – but it’s true. Like Republicans and Democrats, we need the alien other to irrationally hate. We need to push against them as they push back, lest we fall over. And despite the fact that I have solid information that my esteemed colleague has sexytime with bunny rabbits before consuming their still-living flesh, his existence gives me something to battle against, and thereby his sordid, wretched life is imbued with meaning.

Yes, there are others to battle. Michigan has a lot of rivals. Ask virtually anyone in the Big Ten. But Michigan does not define itself in terms of Wisconsin or Illinois or even Michigan State and Notre Dame. Either of those schools could be teleported to Estonia tomorrow and Michigan football would continue on unperturbed. We could find a suitable non-conference opponent to replace Notre Dame… We could play Central or Western or Temple or whoever in place of State…life would go on.

Suddenly remove Ohio State and Michigan staggers. There is no replacement. Unopposed, they trip forward into a void of meaninglessness. Who does Desmond win his Heisman against? Who does Woodson dominate en route to the National Championship? What is the bright star in Tim Biakabutuka’s career? Who is Sauron in Mordor? Who do we play at the end of the year? In short, what the hell is the point?

At this point Cook went on to accuse me of drinking the blood of newborns, torturing puppies and a number of other things but he eventually returned to The Game:

…Lord knows they [Ohio State fans] wouldn’t know what to do without Michigan. They’d have to focus their hatred on some other state …, but it wouldn’t be the same. That State Out East? That State Down South? Doesn’t have the same ring.

Michigan is defined by Ohio State. Ohio State is defined by Michigan. Their tradition, their best tradition, is each other.

How painfully prophetic those words. Who could have predicted that only three years later we find ourselves towering over those sordid, wretched wraiths with our fifth straight Big Ten Championship, a dozen roses already wilting on the vine, staring down the barrel of our sixth win over our once great rivals. Who could have predicted that I would find myself here today, wanting to lay out a year’s worth of hatred in a way that only Ohio State/Michigan fans can understand but instead, find myself looking into the abyss.

Maybe the letdown after Iowa will be too much. Maybe Mich1AAgan will find an inner resolve, maybe as is tradition with The Game, what has happened during the regular season won’t matter. Then again, maybe pigs will fly out of my ass but I’m not betting on it.

So for now I will pull myself up, strap myself into the old fighting chair and from this point on, pound away at the keyboard like it’s 2006. But before I go, a lone comment on an earlier post caught my ear…a voice that sounded vaguely familiar yet so empty and distant. The hatred is still there but it has turned on itself. Yes, a sworn enemy now seeking the same outcome as me and to be honest, for the same reasons.

I’ll leave you with his thoughts:

“Tell Tressel to do us a favor up north and don’t worry about keeping it out of triple digits. We have a hillbilly we want to send back to WV.”

If Nike wants to make this a tribute week. Let’s do it right.

Big week and lots to cover – Iowa, Rose Bowl, our favorite 1AA school on Sat and a couple of personal tributes if I can get to them. Be sure to check back as I’ll be posting as I can.

Not sure what to make of this but the opening spread for The Game puts the Buckeyes as only 12.5 point favorites. Yeah, the boys in Vegas were way off when they opened the Bucks as 17 point favorites over Iowa but Iowa actually has a defense. Seems that in D-Rod’s rush to bring his spread offense to Mich1AAgan, nobody told him they need to line up on the other side of the ball.

Maybe They’re banking on Tress’s conservative nature. Maybe they’re thinking Tress will take it easy on a program that is in an absolute shambles.

I’ll post more in a few on both the Iowa game and the weekend to come.