(Although they’ve been known to riot after a loss)
As I ignore yet another self-imposed deadline, it doesn’t take an email from a friend, text from some weenie’s Crackberry, or an apple shot off my head for me to realized that you’re concerned about me and my next installment. Yes, if I’m silent you should be very scared, especially when sitting next to or across from me.
What makes you all think because I’m late on the deadline that I have writer’s block? What makes you take it upon yourselves to hint to what the next convoluted topic ought to be? Sure, it doesn’t take much to raise my ire and that certainly is what usually puts the quill to the paper or puts the grist in my mill, or the sand in the oyster, or feather in my cap, or banana in my hammock. You get the picture.
It’s normally not the obvious differences in something that sets us off. It’s easy to put things down that you don’t understand. But, when you gather the facts from normal commonalities, or parallels, it brings us to simplified understanding. Therefore, you “Get it.” Wow. Friggin’ deep. Allow me to illustrate.
A tip from the editor that raised my ire was that Michigan State is preparing for a victory riot with police, ambulances – the whole nine yards. The parallel is the recurring theme and image of OSU burning dumpsters, flipping cars, students getting tossed from school as token examples.
Where OSU and MSU part ways, is that MSU has to practice for riot control, just as they have to learn how to win, to have an excuse to celebrate demonstratively. Sure, MSU upset OSU some years ago knocking us off the national podium, but that’s why they call it an upset – because you haven’t been, weren’t and will not be expected to win — because you aren’t good at winning. If you were, it wouldn’t be a shock to everyone including yourselves. See, OSU expected to beat Florida for the national championship. The departure was that we got our asses kicked, the similarity to MSU is that we got our asses kicked. You expect the worse. We expect more. Got to fix that mindset in order to win regularly. Don’t make me sign “High Hopes.” Remember where that got Gary?
Because of the their largess, OSU and MSU have a reputation as average schools academically. Sure, both excel in some areas, but you can’t be everything to everyone unless you’re Michigan, but they lost to Appalachian State. Sorry, ouch! Here’s the classic joke that Wolverines tell:
Q1: What do you do when an OSU grad comes a knockin’ at your door?
A1: Take the pizza and tip ‘em a buck!
I’m sure they use that joke with any other Big Ten school besides Northwestern. And, here’s where we separate yet again with MSU. Javon Ringer (an admittedly cool football name, like Juice Williams of Illinois – but, I doubt Juice is his Christian name) admitted in an interview earlier in the week that he wanted to play for OSU but his test scores were in question. For some reason, his ACT went from 16 and when re-tested at 21, then when accused of cheating, re-tested at 16. Hmmm. Time to take “Interviewing for Jocks” 101, Javon. I thought our guys had it easy, then I hear Tressel has scruples and our players are averaging a 3.2. Pretty impressive. Enough about academics. Gordon Gee’s not going to take the field in his bow tie. I apologize. Make note that this will be the last apology of the year.
MSU has a good, tough ex-Buckeye coach in Mark Dantonio which I admire and respect. He’s turned them into winners. Here’s the problem. MSU lost a great, athletic quarterback in Drew Stanton who got his butt kicked regularly to the point that he’s a shell-shocked rookie in the NFL. MSU has a great dual-back running game which is rare with all the teams jumping on the spread offenses. Here’s the problem. OSU has a great defensive lien that frees up (yes, that English – foottball talk) the Linebackers while our stud DBs stick to receivers like glue. When we stop the run by loading up, Brian Hoyer will get a baptism of fire so they won’t be able to pass to catch up a cagey OSU offense. Score OSU 37, MSU 17. No riots today. We expected to win.
The Eggseptional Crossword of Buckeye-related, themes will be unveiled next week in its entirety.
